Watch out if your in Pennsylvania

Jack's Jem:

  I know it has been a while since I shared a Jem and I am sorry about that.  I will start back up with a doozy.  

  Well Jack and I were wrestling around last week and Jack was getting a little frustrated that he couldn't defeat me.  Jack was standing a few feet away from me contemplating his next move, when all of the sudden he stopped moving and stared right into my eyes and gave me the following ultimatum:

  "Dad you had better watch out or I will give you a Pennsylvania Traffic Stop!"

image courtesy of GPD News (www.gpd.com)

  Not being familiar with that wrestling move or law enforcement technique I asked Jack to please explain.  Here is what I got:

" Well it is when I sit on your head and go through your wallet!"

  I am not real sure what happen for a few minutes due to my hysterical laughing.  When I finally stopped laughing, I asked Jack where he had gotten that from, I received an attempted pants-ing as a response.

  I hope the Pennsylvania state patrol doesn't read Jack's Jems because getting a ticket could be the least of your worries in the future.

An entire family history in 8 seconds or less.

Jack's Jem:

While running some errands the other day with Jack and his brother and sister, we began discussing the origins of our Scottish last name.  Jack sat quietly in the back seat not seeming to be interested in the conversation.  Well, the conversation continued between the older siblings and I for some time and include a deep discuss of the history of the troubles between Scotland and England.  

It was during this part of the conversation that from the back seat Jack asks if we are talking about our ancestors.  I told him yes and the conversation continued.  A few moments later Jack says with some amount of enthusiasm that he could name all his ancestors.  

I had a feeling that this was going to be good so I told him to go for it. Here is was I got:

Caveman Jack, 

Egyptian Jack, 

Pirate Jack, 

Cowboy Jack, 

Knight Jack,

and

Just Ordinary Jack!

 This list took only about 8 seconds to deliver and I think he pretty much covered the entire family history.  I don't know about Caveman Jack or Egyptian Jack, but I would really like to go back in time and meet the Pirate, Cowboy and Knight Jacks respectively.

Enjoy
The Dad

Thanks for clearing that up.

Jacks Jem:

  This morning I was checking out Facebook and enjoying a cup of coffee when I noticed someone had posted one of those silly quizzes were you see what kind of something you are.  You know the kind, where you answer 5 or so silly questions and it tells you what kind of animal, action hero, or car you are.  Normally, I just scroll on past these without much thought, but today's quiz caught my eye because it was going to tell me what kind of weapon I was.  How could I not check this one out.  So I took the quiz and was told I was an explosive which both The Mom, and Jack found funny.  After our laugh the Mom took the quiz and low and behold she was also an explosive.  For those of you out there who know her that was really not much of a surprise,

  LOVE YOU, HONEY!!!

  Well Jack decided he wanted to take the quiz too.  I want to share, that it was at this point that he surprised me with his knowledge of the world.  One of the questions asked what kind of job he would be interested in, the list included; lawyer, parent, mailman, architect, and librarian.  Jack paused for a moment then said architect. I was surprised by his answer and figured he didn't know what that was, so I asked him what an architect was.  He gave me a sweet innocent little look and then explained to me that an architect is a person who design buildings.  The way he answered made me  feel a little silly for even asking. I guess they are doing career counselling in the 3rd grade now because I never told him what an architect was.  

   Ok, back to the original story. Jack finished answering the questions and again another member of the family was informed that they were explosives.  We had another chuckle and Jack finished breakfast and started for the kitchen with his dishes.  As he was about to leave the dinning room he stopped and said:

  "Dad, maybe we are all explosives because we are full of gas."  

  Proclamation made he quickly went on about his morning routine.  I am sure glad he cleared up that up for us.  Now I am left wondering whether I should laugh or be offended.

Enjoy

The Dad

Multitasking via the Autistic Mind

Jack's Jem:

  It is important to note for this little jem that the mascot of the University of Idaho football team is the Vandals, you know the same guys that sacked Rome.  Now Jack has taken a huge interest in supporting the Vandals even though he has never seen a game.  For him going to the University book with all of its Vandal merchandise is like going Toy's R Us, he just loves it.  

  The other day I had to return something to the bookstore and the family went with me.  It was at the bookstore that Jack gave the Mom and I an example of what multitasking really is, and here is the wisdom he shared;

" Hey Mom look a Vandals belt, you can spank me and support the Vandals at the same time! "

  See that is multitasking at its finest.  

Enjoy

The Dad

  

Conversations with the Cat

Jack's Jem:

  I am always left laughing when Jack has a conversation with the cat, and this morning was no exception. The kids were very good this past week so I went out and got donuts Saturday morning, I might have wanted some too but I will not admit it.  Oh, wait I just did, didn't I.  Anyway, 2 donuts were left intact come Sunday morning and Jack was up at his normal 5:30 AM.  Jack was quick to asked if he could have one and in my sleep induced stupor I agreed. Jack quickly snatched his prize and headed into the other room, followed closely by Shadow the cat.  As I stood in the kitchen waiting desperately for the coffee to finish brewing. I hear the following conversation from the other room.

  "Shadow you better stay away from my donuts, you had better keep you furry little paws off of it!"

I wonder if Shadow ever feels this way?

Well enjoy and watch out for those furry little paws around your donuts.

The Dad

Is technology out to get you? Here is Jack's thoughts.

Jack's Jem:

  As most of you out there who own smart phones know,  there comes a time when these phones take on a mind of their own and do whatever they want to, much to the owners aggravation. I always just wrote this off as the glitches in technology, similar to when windows updates in the middle of a major project, and etc, etc, etc!  Last night Jack had a different opinion and now I am wondering if he might be on to something.

   When I got home I found a very upset Jack.  The Mom informed me that Jack had been very good so she had rewarded him with some time on her smart phone to play games.  When he tried to start playing a game the phone would shut down the game, and it did not matter which game, all of them started then shut down.  For an Autistic boy this is as close to physical injury as you can get without there being blood everywhere.  Now as a good father I keep at least one game on my phone for just such an occasion and was able to quickly advert a full meltdown.  

   As I sat watching him play this new game, Jack looks up at me and says " I think Mom's phone just wanted me to do something educational so it wouldn't let me play any games." 

  After the Mom and I stopped laughing, I began to wonder if he might be on to something that no one else has seen. Are these really technology glitches or is it the Rise of the Machines.  

from dvdrelease.com

OK, OK, I know its to early for a sci-fi reference, I guess I was channeling my inner Sarah or John Connor, sorry I could help it. 

Enjoy

The Dad

   

Note to Shadow the Cat.

Jack's Jem:

    Our cat has an annoying habit of using everything as a scratching post.  Jack finds this scratching very annoying, and honestly we all do.  At some point the Mom and I even discussed having the cat de-clawed, that is how bad she was tearing stuff up.  Evidently Jack decided that we had not taken enough action and this morning I found the following note next to the household change jar.  

Allow me to translate:

Dear Shadow,

  When we have a lot of money [in the jar] you will be de-clawed.

Your Owner

Jack

Coin Jar -->

Part of me hopes Jack might become president one day, and why you might ask, because I can see his short notes to say, terrorist for example:

Dear Terrorist:

  When the US Military is ready we will come and get you.

The President

Jack

Our Military--> 

 

 

PS. We will be there soon.

Enjoy 

The Dad

Just being a little brother!

Jack's Jem

  Jack never misses an opportunity to embarrass his sister, much like any other little brother might do.  This morning was no exception, and I am not even sure he was trying.

  Jack was in the tub this morning and his sister wanted to brush her teeth.  So, she asked if he would be nice and close the curtain so she could come in.  Jack agreed and closed the curtain. Don't worry he kept it closed.  His sister finishes up and starts out the door and hears the follow from behind the curtain:

 Two loud underwater farts followed by; "WOW, it sounds like the Titanic in here!"

 I am just not sure what else to say!

Enjoy

The Dad

Determination level: EPIC!

Jack's Jem:

  This post will in part explain why there has not been any jems in a while.  Since spring break here Jack has been having a rough time. Until this last week he has been refusing to do any work either at school or at home.  Some of you know that he has always had a problem understanding why he can't do things the way he wants to, but this was different. The more we pushed the harder he pushed back, and we just could not figure out why. All he would say is it was unfair that he had to do any work (ie... homework, chores, etc)!  It is import to note here that he comes by some stubbornness honestly because both sides of his family are stubborn, I mean we are really stubborn!  Jack has set a new standard for the family that may never reached again, and that is probably a good thing.

  Now he kept up insisting that he did not need to do any work.  Now keep in mind that during this time he had toys and electronics time taken way, and even at two times was spanked.  He was punished in every conceivable way we could think of short of water boarding (ok, we didn't go that far but I don't think it would have worked if we had tried it). We even resorted to bribery. Nothing seemed to derail him from his course of doing nothing.  Meanwhile his teachers and us could not figure out why he was so determined not to do any work.  He had had plenty of opportunities to tell us what was going on, because we asked him all the time why he did not what to do any work and all we got was it was terrible that he had to do any. 

  Well last week everything came to a head and we had a melt down of monumental proportions over him having to help me make his bed.  For those of you who have not experience an autistic child's meltdown there comes a point were there is nothing that will stop it other than space and time.  Well, we went beyond that point by miles.  I was even told that I was a disgrace and disappointing as a father and not by my wife for once (just kidding, love you honey).  

  

  So where is all of this going and how in the world could this be funny, well put down anything you might be drinking.  I finally, after kicking him out of his room and taking everything from him and making him sleep on the floor at the end of my bed, got an explanation: (drum roll please):  

Jack:  "On the Garfield cartoon, Garfield said [to the audience] see if you sit around on the couch and do nothing you can have a TV show too"

Well Garfield is now on permanent hiatus from the TV and things have improved since we have explained to Jack that is not how it works.  Ok, I am lying to him a little because that is the only way to explain how the Jersey Shore got on to TV, but that is a discussion for later.  I just up he uses his determination for good.

Enjoy, and good luck with everyone's TV careers

The Dad

Advice for keeping a positive attitude!

Jacks Jem:

During our quarterly parent teacher conference this past week, I was glad to hear Jack does not keep his jems at home. The following is advice that Jack gave his teacher.  It's important to note that his teacher does not like Thursdays, so much so she calls them Friday eves.

Well the Thursday before last his teacher was not having a good day and Jack gave her the following advice:

Jack:  Did you drive to school today?

Teacher: Yes

Jack:  Well a least a piano did not fall on your car.

Now fast forward to this past Thursday and Jack checks on his Teacher and tells her well at least you haven't been hit in the face by a pie.

How can you argue with logic like that.  So if your having a bad day just think it could be worse a piano could land on your car or you could be hit in the face by a pie.  

Enjoy

the Dad

 

Who you gonna call?

Jack's Jem:

  Well the other day Jack and I were wrestling in the living room.  I finally got him pinned down (which is getting a little harder everyday) and was tickling him.  Jack finally told me,"Get off me or I am going to call the MARINES!"

   He was able to make good his escape because I was laughing.  Kind of makes me feel good that he felt that only the Marines could stop me.  Yep whose the man.

Semper Fi
The Dad

How to deal with something you don't like at work.

Jack's Jem:

  OK, I don't know if I would really suggest this technique for work, but if you did it could be funny. 

  A couple of nights ago the family was watching some TV together, and when the show ended the Mom told Jack to head up to bed.  This was the response from under a blanket on the couch:

" Jack is not available right now, please leave a message, BEEEEEPPPPPPP!"

The result was both parents trying not to laugh, and me leaving a message that got him up to bed. 

Enjoy

The Dad

Where and how not to get milk!

Jack's Jem:

  So I know it's been a little while since I have gotten a Jem posted, but I have been ridiculously busy with school. Jack has not let up though and I wish I had gotten them posted.  Here is the latest installment of the Jems that should help make up for the wait.

  So last weekend I decided to give the kids a treat Sunday morning and go get some doughnuts.  I did it just for the kids I swear. So I asked Jack if he wanted to go with me and initially he did not want to, but when I told him I wanted his help because we were doughnut hunting he decided it was a good idea. The hunting part proved to be pretty easy it was picking them out of the herd that got a little difficult especially when I had help.

  Now fast forward to just the other day and the Mom wants to go to the store and get milk. Well she asks Jack if he wants to go hunt milk with her, to which he says yes, and the following is a list of the hunting recommendations and advice that were provided by Jack on how to hunt said milk.  ( important note: there is a dairy on the University and Jack knows about it )

1. Get the milk to come to you:  Jack stands at the back door and attempts to call the cows to our house so we can milk them.  This option did not work and I think the neighbor might be a little concerned now.

2. Enlist help to get the milk.  Those of you who have followed this blog know this all started with the cat and guess who was drafted to assist in this effort.  This plan is a little complicated and I will endeavor to explain it since it is both brilliant and a little disturbing.  First build a catapult (no pun intended) then train the cat to milk a cow and carry the milk back to the house. Now load the cat on the catapult (ok I might have intended that one) and shoot the cat into the dairy to get the milk.  Unfortunately the time needed to train the very unwilling cat finally ruled out this plan.  I have a hard time not seeing a bad Disney cartoon when I think of this plan.

3.  With his other plans in ruins, Jack had to resort to the old fashion way of getting milk, going to the store.  What follows is the Mom's recounting of the conversation that took place during milk hunt.

     Evidently Jack felt that the Mom was not sufficiently knowledgeable on her milk facts to be an effective hunter, so he set out to fix that.  Jack explained where milk comes from and provided the Mom with a list of animals; cow, goat, etc, from whom you could milk.  That is until he came to the lowly Reindeer, (yes I said Reindeer) to which he explained don't provide milk they give eggnog!

I will forever see Santa milking his Reindeer every time I drink eggnog, if I ever do again.
Enjoy
The Dad

Jack the Alarm Clock

Jack's Jem:

  So its the weekend and what does Jack not do on the weekend, yep sleep in.  Below is my introduction to the weekend.

  So I am in bed just at that point of  dozing back off to sleep after my poor wife had to get up for work.  You know that point when your really relaxed and everything is going to black, yeah that point.  It was at this moment that Jack entered my room in a fashion that would have made the LAPD SWAT proud.  For my military and police friends it was textbook violence of action.  The door swings open violently and light pours in form the hallway.  Before the door ever stops moving Jack is in the room and making his announcement; "GOOD MORNING DAD, WAKIE WAKIE EGGS AND BACIE!!!, ok I am going to watch cartoons now."   

  It was over as fast has it had happened.  I am now awake and stunned with no snooze button to mash.  

Enjoy 

The Dad, "I might as well get up"

What kind of Popsicle are you?

Jacks Jem:

  I made dinner the other night, OK more like we went out to dinner. It was on our way home that Jack struck with his usual flair.  This particular evening was particularly cold and once we were in the car Jack's sister said she felt like a Popsicle.  I decided to ask the kids if they were a Popsicle what flavor they would be.  Jack announced without any hesitation that he would be "Fartberry Flavored!"  I could not help it, so I asked were exactly do Fartberries come from?  To which I got this response; "you take a bunch of berries and you fart on them."  It is so clear now, and I am so not eating any Fartberries. 

Enjoy

The Dad

A Lesson in Stuffed Animal Etiquette

Jack's Jem:

The "Culprit"

   Today's Jem is the result of a particular goofy Jack and a stuffed animal.  So last night I told Jack he needed to go to bed, but in typical Jack fashion he did not want to go.  Luckily for us he was just begin goofy about going up to bed and was not angry.  I finally got him moving up the stairs and I noticed the small stuffed dog that Jack has had since he was born lying in on the living room floor. At this point I did what any parent would do who is tired of stepping on toys, I told him to take his dog up stairs.  

  Jack runs back down and grabs his little dog and stops in front of me and looks right at me.  He then places the dog in my lap and lifts the dogs back leg on my side.  Once the animal was in position Jack lets out a loud "pssssssssssssssssssssss" sound.  Now this happen very quickly and I am sitting there the whole time thinking to myself, he is not really going to have his little dog pretend pee on me. The Mom jumps in and says to him " Jack, don't you know it is rude to pee on people."  To which Jack responded with some amount of authority "Not for stuffed animals!" He then runs up the stairs without further performance. 

 

 Here the parents take a pause for laughing and after conferring with each other we decide one he has left us without a pithy response and two where is the book on stuffed animal etiquette. 

Enjoy

The "Glad I am not really wet" Dad.

PS.  Jack hears me conferring with the Mom this morning about this post and informs us that the dog thought I was a fire hydrant and had to go to the bathroom.  I will have to remember not to wear anything red and sit still too long.  

  

Tactical Maneuvering on the Food Front

Jack's Jem:

Right up front I want to say that my wife (aka the Mom) is a wonderful cook, and I know a lot of you are aware of that.  My waist line can also testify to that as well.  

Now, for those of you out there who are unaware for the majority Autistic children including Jack getting them to try a new food is a battle the even Napoleon would shy away from.  This warfare has been on going in home since Jack was old enough to throw baby food.  Well we the parents fire what might as well serve as a nuclear strike a few weeks ago by using the age old that is whats for dinner and there is nothing else and if you don't eat it, "its for breakfast!"  Jack stood his ground and went to bed with out dinner but over night his resolve waiver and by morning his defenses had collapsed.  He gave in and ate dinner for breakfast.  One small victory for the parents, but one battle does not win the war.

Fast forward to last night, the Mom made a fantastic homemade chicken noodle soup (aka a new food).   Jack took one look and attacked (well not physically) by refusing to eat.  So thinking back to our recent victory, we quickly responded with eat it now or eat it for breakfast.  Jack effectively dug in for a prolonged battle and went up stairs changed into his pajamas and went to bed (all without being told to do so).  Well the Mom stage his bowl of soup for a dawn attack.

Overnight Jack must of realized that he could not overwhelm us with a frontal assault and switched to insurgent warfare right out of the manual from Afghanistan:

1. Don't directly engage the enemy: Jack had gotten out of bed around 5 am and did not come get us. We went to get him up for school and found him playing quietly in his room. 

2. Be friendly with the enemy:  Jack came into my room and said to me "Good Morning Dad, give me my morning snuggles, I love you"  (I knew something was up here!)

3. Maneuver around the enemy:  Jack then told the Mom "I will just eat breakfast at school."

Since we controlled the battle space and in an effort to prevent the war from spilling over into his school and risking innocent teachers ( again not physically) we gave some ground and let him have the normal morning fare.  

But the ambush is set and it's CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP for dinner. OK I may have gone a little overboard with the warfare analogies but it was too much fun.  

Enjoy

The General, ok the Dad.  

My room did it and a Formal Introduction

Jack's Jems:

  Here is two short Jems from last night and this morning:

Jem 1:

  A few minutes after Jack went to bed he comes back out of his room to the top of the stairs and proclaims, wait for it:  "My room farted and it smells bad, so I opened the door to let it out!"  I am glad I was not drinking anything at the time.  

Jem 2:

  At 6 this morning Jack comes and jumps in our bed and very formally states "Mom, it is your son, Jack."  I am so glad he cleared that up.  

Enjoy

The Dad

Diagnosis Memory Loss

Jack's Jem:

  So yesterday I picked Jack up from the bus after school and took him with me to run some errands.  As we were driving along Jack's looks over at me as says "Dad you didn't play Infinity with me yesterday, when you had a break from your homework." For those who don't know the Disney Infinity is a pretty neat little video game, and we let Jack play on it as a reward.  Now I had told Jack that I would indeed play the Infinity with him when I took a break from my school work.  I told Jack that " Sorry, I just forgot."

  I should have known that would not be the end of it.  Jack looked over at me again and with a very concerned face told me in a very clinical tone "Dad I think you have Short Term Memory Loss, because you forget lots of stuff."  I am laughing out loud at this point, and I really wanted to say to him no I have kids, but I refrained.

  I would like to say that was the end of the story, and I will defend myself up front I had to go and spend money on my first pair of prescription glasses, and dang they are expensive and dang I hate getting old so my mind was very preoccupied after Jack diagnosed me. Later that evening I was standing the kitchen talking with the Mom telling her that Jack had said something funny but I could not for the life of me remember what it was.  Well, Jack walks into the kitchen and says very nonchalantly "memory loss" and walks back out of the kitchen.

Dang it, he may be right.
Well Enjoy, what ever it was I was talking about.
The Dad, I think.

Why are you NOT SLEEPING? OH wait this is a trap!

Jack's Jem:

Oh Sleep, that elusive creature that most parents long to find, is once again missing at our home.  We are missing so much sleep it has taken me two days to pen this post.  Well for those out there that don't know Jack, he has an internal clock that the government could check the atomic clock against.  He is up every morning between 5:45 and 6:00, and when he goes to bed makes no difference.  It is also important to note for later in this post that when he is awake he is awake and at full speed.  Now normally this little wide awake thing is not an issue because his wonderful mother also bounces right out of bed and attacks the day.  Our daughter and I on the other hand are dangerous to be around in the morning.

So let set the picture of this past week; one the mother was sick with the flu so Dad has to get up every morning (Honey, I am not complaining, just making an observation, Love you (yep that was a married disclaimer)), and two all week a small miracle happen Jack slept in every morning until I had to wake him up.  This little treat allow me to have a full cup of coffee before I had to release the beast,  which I desperately needed.  So by Friday I had been lulled in a false since of security, that led me to believe on Friday when the kiddos had a day off from school I would be able to sleep in.  Well Friday morning arrived and at 5:30 AM Jack is in my bed talking to me, ugh.  So, I ask him, why when he slept in every morning this week are you up so early today?  He responded in his best sing song voice "because it's the WEEEEEKEEEENNNNND!"

Jack's Checklist (well this is my opinion on how this all worked out)
1. Bait the trap by sleeping late: Check
2. Set the trap by getting up early on day off: Check
3. Spring the trap on unsuspecting sleeping parents: Check
4. Have fun: Check and Check

After his mother and I stopped laughing, I realized that the whole week of sleeping in most have been Jack charging his batteries for the WEEEEKEEEENNNNND!

Enjoy
One tired sucker of a Dad.

The Gambler aka the parent

Jack's Jem:

  As I am writing this post I keep hearing the old Kenny Rogers' song "The Gambler" especially the part about knowing when to hold them and knowing when to fold them.  This post is not a true Jem, but it is more an observation of a thought process.  

  Now it is important to note that for a person who falls along the Autism spectrum routine and patterns are more important than just about anything, and Jack is no exception. When Jack's routine is changed or broken it makes an impression, that he does not forget, EVER!  My fellow parents of Autistic children can attest to the fact that changing a routine stands out in a child's memory like the lights of Las Vegas.

  I knew that a change in Jack's pattern was important, but until the other day I really did not get how that change was locked into his memory.  Every school morning Jack's lunch is made by one of his parents and in that lunch box goes the same items; one of those items is an oatmeal cream pie.  That pie has a specific place it goes in a pocket on the outside of said lunch box.  This routine has been going on since the beginning of this school year.  

  Now the other day Jack comes into the kitchen and sees me placing said pie in said pocket and announces "Dad you left out the oatmeal cream pie the other day!" At this instant I like most parents stopped and tried to remember if I was guilty of the offense, then when I couldn't remember I defended myself.  I told Jack that I had not forgotten the pie at any point.  To which Jack responded " you know you did not put it in the pocket the other day."  It was at this point I became the Gambler and had to decide to continue to argue even if I was unsure if I was right or fold and acknowledge the past mistake. 

  Jack was not letting me off either because during my whole internal monologue he stood by quietly and stared at me. I knew there was a very good chance he was right and I did what any good parent would have done, I told him "go finish getting ready for school."  

  It was only a couple of days later that I realized that I had folded without a fight.

Enjoy

The Dad 

Misfortune

Jack's Jem:

This story requires a small amount of background information to fully appreciate the humor behind this Jem.  So during the Christmas holidays our travel plans to visit family were cancelled twice due to somebody or another being too sick to travel.  That left some of the kids Christmas gifts from the grandparents at their aunt's in Seattle. Well a plan was hatched for us to meet up with the kid's Aunt half way between Seattle and here this morning. Unlike the plans during Christmas no one is sick, but now there is heavy snow and high winds in the mountain pass which makes it unsafe for the "Aunt" to travel.  So goes by the way side another opportunity to get the Christmas gifts and more importantly visit with some family.

So you ask  where is the Jem in all of this, wait for it: 

When we told the kiddos this morning that we were not going to meet up with their aunt.  Jack responded without the slightest hint that he was upset "What, have we been eating misfortune cookies, all this time?"  

His attitude made to whole thing a lot easier to deal with.

Can't Sleep

Jack's Jem:

First off sorry there has not been any posts in awhile the whole family has been sick throughout the holidays, and I just did not have it in me to write.  It was a shame since Jack did not fail to entertain us while we were sick.  If I remember some of his Jems I will get them posted. 

Well on with the story.  So last night I got Jack in bed an as usual he wanted to read in bed so I let him.  About 10 minutes later Jack comes in our room and announces that he can't sleep.  To which his parents in unison gave the same parental reply that is heard every night around the globe "You have only been in there a few minutes now go back to bed!"  Jack would not take that as an answer and offered up his own solution to his alleged insomnia problem, "can you [his parents] dress the cat up like a sheep so I can count her?" 

At this point us as parents take a pause (laughing of course), now I can't guess what my wife was think but as a red blooded American dad I considered this request.  Wanting to get Jack to go to sleep and not being particularly fond of the cat to begin with, I have to admit I imagined ways to dress the cat up as sheep and the possible ways to get her to jump repeatedly over his bed.  Lucky for the cat my wonderful wife interrupted my thought process when she told Jack "Go Back To Bed!"

(note no animals where harmed in the making of this post)

Enjoy
Jack's tired Dad