Thursday, December 26, 2013

Jack's Jem:


Observations from Christmas:

  Our household was struck down with a stomach virus that sidelined Jack and his mom and made us cancel our holiday travel plans.  One thing that at the time did not seem humorous at the time but in hind sight is, I feel entertaining.  Poor Jack was the first member of the family to get sick. Now if you can imagine what a bad stomach virus can cause, well it did and that is enough details on that.  The one thing that I found some humor in it was while Jack was sick he wanted to know not just when he was going to get better, he wanted to know exactly what time he would be better.  Can you image if you could tell your kids exactly what time they would be better.  In keeping with this mind set on the second morning at 5:45 am Jack came in our room and pronounced that he was"all better now."  You know what he was right.

 So Christmas morning started with a Christmas Miracle Jack sleep in until almost 7 am, Hallelujah!  Now to see the humor in this next part you have to understand that I had heard him get out of bed and come down the hall to our room.  I also know he had not gone down stairs, since I would have heard that as well. Image elephants on tricycles going down the stairs and you will have a good idea what kinda of racket Jack can make.  Well he enters the room and as any young kid would loudly announces that "Santa has been here!"  So I had to ask, "Jack how do you know Santa has been here?"  The answer "Well Dad, I just know."  This is were I ask if he had gone down stairs to check, expecting to get just a yes or no.  Yes I know that was silly, but I did it anyway.  Jack's answer "Nope, I just know these things!"  How do you argue with that.

 Well Christmas Day was laid back with Mom still not being at 100% and the kids having to survive my cooking. Jack had to do one more thing before the night was over that made me laugh out load.  In my stocking I received a flashlight that your wear on your head, well I already have one so I gave it to Jack since I knew he would enjoy it.  In Jack's stocking he received a Garfield comic book.  These two items are important to this Jem.  So around 8 pm Jack stands up and says he is going to bed.  His Mom and I are a little surprised by this, but he does sometimes just put himself to bed.  So I give him a few minutes to get ready for bed then I go up to check on him.  As I approach his room I notice the light is out and that it is fairly quite.  So I slowly open the door expecting to find him fast asleep.  What I find is Jack sitting up in bed with the head mounted flashlight on and him reading his Garfield book.  He looks up at me and says "Hi Dad I was just reading my new Garfield book, I won't stay up to late."  "Ok" was all I could say, what's there to argue about.

 Well I hope everyone out there had a great Christmas, Enjoy
Jack's Dad


Monday, December 23, 2013

The Original Jacks Jem:

 
(Reposted from Facebook back in July of 2013)
 
 
Ok, I have to add another thing to my list of things I can't believe I had to say as a parent:

Jack: "We put lotion on"
Me: "Who's WE?"
Jack: "me and the cat"
Me: "Jack don't put lotion on the cat"
Jack: "But she was itchy"
Me: holding back a laugh "she will be ok without it"
Jack: "But she was itchy"
Me: after looking at the cat "Jack how much lotion did you use"...
Jack: with out missing a beat "enough"
Me: "wipe the cat off and leave her alone"
Jack: "OK"

After a few minutes I hear:

Jack: "stay still, DADDD! the cat won't stay still"
Me: after I find Jack with an upset kitten pinned to the bathroom floor "let that cat up"
Jack: "I have not got all the lotion off"
Me: "you have done enough, let her go" I am again trying not to laugh and I can tell the cat is ok.
Jack: "OK"

and he wonders why the kitten won't play with him

Parenthood will never stop surprising me

Jack's Jem:

(Repost from Facebook on 11/14/13)

 This one needs a little context, I may have been harassing a certain young girl about dating. Well Jack has taken my side and has determined that it is his job to prevent his sister from dating. So this morning he informs me that when a boy comes to our house I am to distract him and Jack will hit him with an anvil. Also I am in charge of intimidation and he will make sure the electrified fence, mine field, and force field are setup around the house. Some how after this conversation I am not very worried about his sister dating. Lol

Jacks Jem:

(Repost from Facebook on 11/14/13)

Well this might be more of warning, last night not much was on TV so I decided to make the kids watch the Worlds Strongest Man competition on ESPN. OK, that was a mistake because Jack now wants to be the Worlds Strongest Man. So much so he started "Training" during the show. Training included running up and down the stairs and push ups. Well I may have created a monster, because first thing this morning I was asked when we were going to do some more training, he wanted to begin before school.
Jack's Jem:

(Repost from Facebook on 11/18/13)

I was just informed by Jack that the reason I was going back to college was so I could be smart like him.

Jack's Jem:

(This is a repost from Facebook on 11/18/2013)

We were playing the word association game at a restaurant and Jack was given the word "booth". His answer was " John Wilks", I am not sure whether to be proud or disturbed. And, we had not been discussing Lincoln.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Jack's Jem:

  I was sitting in the living room this evening and Jack suddenly jumps up and proudly proclaims as he runs up the stairs "I have a fart that needs to be let out".  At this point I am laughing out loud.  But, this is Jack and I should have known that he was not done there.  

 Well a minute later he comes running back down the stairs laughing.  "I let it out".  I could not stop myself from asking "Where?"  To which Jack responded "Emily's Room" still laughing.   

  Well just a few moments later here comes his sister who was less than pleased. 

Enjoy
Dad

Jack's Jem:


  So today's Jem is courtesy of the Disney movie "Planes" and the cape swish.  If you have seen the movie you got the reference, if not why not it is a great movie!  Seriously I love it, everyone needs to see it even if you don't have kids!

  Now if I can just get Disney to pay me for that plug. On to the jem.

  Again Jack wakes me up at 5:30 am and he wants to talk, yes there is a pattern here.  So in my sleep induced state I can't remember the conversation but it ended when Jack stood up and turned his back to me and proudly pronounced in his best El Chupacabra voice "I swish my rear at you". We are not talking twerking here we are talking little kid uncoordinated shaking of his back side.  I know the thought of Jack shaking his rear at his groggy Dad is funny by itself, but there is more.

  At this point I had a moment of clarity which is unusual for this time in the morning.  So, here is what crossed my mind; if he is willing to shake his rear at me who and where else is he willing shake that thing at. I asked him if he had been shaking his rear at anyone else, to which he answered "at school, when (a classmate) had lost to him in chess". 

  You know your the parent of an Autistic child when you are easily distracted by a new piece of information, ie... when did he start playing chess?  After I got back on track I told Jack that while it was funny at home ( Hey try it, shake your rear at a family member and they will find it funny, and NO we don't go around doing it to each other in my house ) it probably was not ok at school.  Jack "even if someone else does it to me first," now I am in a dilemma; do I tell him to defend himself or sit back and take it (yes I really thought this, give me a break it was 5:30 in the morning ).  So I opted for the safe approach considering my audience, "no not even if they do it first."

  So this leaves me wondering, is there some elementary school etiquette rules on shaking your rump at someone else?  Is there any opinions on this?

Dazed and abused,
Dad


 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Jack's Jem:


  If there ever was any doubt that Jack's mind is like a steel trap, I will erase that doubt right now. So during my first semester back at school, I was introduced to a fun little computer programming language call Scratch.  It was designed by MIT to help kids learn computer programming by letting them make fun little games and art.  We used it in my Intro to Computer Science class, and Jack was very interested in what I was doing.  

  Well he hounded me to relentlessly to make a game with  him.  His idea was a racing game and is more complicated that either the language or I are probably capable of.  His hounding got to the point that I had to make a deal with him to get some peace.  

  That deal was this:  I would work with him on the game after my semester ended and that we had to stop when the next semester started.  

   And, yes this deal did come back to haunt me!  At 5:45am this morning before my alarm even went off Jack came into my room and began going over details of track design and car characters, and on and on.  I had no idea what he was talking about, so I asked him.  His answer was "the game."  In my sleep induced state I could not remember what he was talking about.  So, he reminded me in great detail of what our deal was.  I just finished my last final exam at 9 pm last night and 8 hours later, I am on the hook for the deal.  I guess that is enough recovery time for an 8 year old. 

  Dang It!  I should know better!

Enjoy
The Dad stuck in the steel trap.

Jack's Jem:


  So this little Jem is courtesy of his school.  First off, I want to say that his new school is awesome and is working hard to help him be successful despite himself.  So as you can imagine the school and his classroom has many more students than he is use to.  This leads to him getting frustrated in class.  Well they have set up a system where he can leave the class with his work and do it in the special education classroom. His classroom and the special education classroom are on different floors, this is important for my story so keep it in mind.

  Especially those of you who have worked with Jack, know that doing the work is not a problem usually he can finish almost anything in about a minute.  This is also important to the story.

  Now for those who don't know Jack, his Autism really manifests itself in his understanding of social norms.  He especially can't understand why he can't do things the way he wants to.  This is too is important to the story.

So here is the Story, I bet you thought I would never get to it. 

  As you can image Jack has figured out that if he shows up in the special education classroom without classroom work he can work on stuff he wants to do.  He observed that between his classrooms there is lots of space without someone watching him.  So he devised a plan, to hide his classwork between the classrooms.  But, this is Jack so this is not some toss your paper's in a trash can kind of plan, oh no no.  He decided that if he hid his papers all over the place even if someone found one of the papers, he would only be stuck doing that paper. So you ask how did we find out about his dastardly plan. Well it was the principle that noticed that there were papers hidden behind pictures on the wall and under things in the hallway.

  Now I was really mad at him for doing this but, I have to admit that it is really kind of funny to image an 8 year old hiding individual papers all over the school, and the poor school staff finding them.  I wonder how long he has been doing this and how many assignments may be lost forever.  I have to give him credit it is really quite a good plan.  I won't tell him that though. 


So I sit here wondering if in the distant future when they finally shut down Jack's school, and when they take the last picture off the wall, will there be an old yellowing handout that is titled:

Jack McAden 2013

I just hope he uses his powers for good.
Enjoy
Dad


Monday, December 16, 2013

Jack's Jem:

So, Jack is up at his normal 5:45am "bright eyed and bushy tailed" as my dad always said.  I on the other hand am not a morning person, EVER!  So, why is this important? Because, I was completely unprepared for the battle of wits that occurred this morning. 

Jack climbs in bed with me this morning and begins talking about cartoons or something, but all I heard was the teacher from the Peanuts. Until, he rubs my arm and announces "Ew, Dad your hairy!" Ok, Now I am paying attention, and in my best parental tone begin to explain to him that it is normal for guys to have body hair, and that at some point in his life he will probably have hairy arms too. 

This is were I screwed up.

Jack immediately responds with, " Ew, I won't I will use the NoNo, you know no hair no pain!  I don't want to look like an orangutan, like you!"

He managed to humble me in less that 4 seconds and all before my first cup of coffee. Now I am questioning my parental skills since he could verbatim repeat a TV commercial and my self esteem has received a punch in the guts, since I am evidently the missing Ewok.

Signed
The Orangutan in the Room.

PS. enjoy the video, I know it's a parody of the NoNo commercial but its still funny.


Sunday, December 15, 2013

Jack's Jem:

  Ok, I reposted the Jack's Jem on the upcoming election here so everyone can see it.

 Because today, his mom found another election poster which says:

Dad Must Go
House Election
Today


  I believe this may be from the other day since I am back in his good graces and have not been removed from my post.  I will not be surprised if there is TV commercials soon. 
Jack's Jem: ( Repost from Facebook Dec 6th) 
 
Yesterday morning As a reward for his good behavior I let Sir Jack watch TV with breakfast. All was good until he had to get ready for school, when he promptly decided he did not want to go. So Dad said no more TV in the mornings. So now that you have the background here is the Jem. So this morning he asked to watch TV again, funny on its own, but when I said it was not going to ha...ppen he stormed out of my room. A little while later Jack posted a campaign poster that says " Vote for Jack, for a house with more TV". He is currently being polite and professional, but I am sure the negative campaign ads are coming. So stay tuned this could get ugly.  

 PS. I don't know what's worse a politician acting like an 8 year old or an 8 year old acting liking a politician.
Jack's Jem: (well reposting one from Facebook)

  I just Jack to do something and he asked to do something else. I said NO and he asked me again. So I said to him "What part of NO did you not understand?" His response "the O part". I had to walk away, LOL. I guess I walked into that one.

Jack's Jems:

Well the hits just keep on rolling today.  As many know we had to give up our much loved Direct TV when we moved up here.  Now we have Time Warner Cable, which from the following post, we may have complained a little too much out loud. 

Warning!, if you are a Time Warner Cable fan you might want to stop reading here.  If you don't like Time Warner Cable you might want to take notes.

Beth and I were looking at dropping cable altogether and just going to the internet since everything we watch can be viewed there and I need better internet for school.  As I am looking at internet options this morning, Jack jumps in and asks me "How are we going to get ride of Time Warner Cable, you know wipe them off the Moscow (Idaho not Russia) map?"  before I could respond he continues "I know I will go to their office and shake my rear until they leave!"  after cleaning up my coffee I said that maybe he could shake his rear and I could dance and they would for sure close the office and leave ( more likely I would be arrested but I didn't mention that part). 

But, leave it to Jack to devise a better option so here is the plan according to him:  "We find the main cable for Time Warner were it comes in to town and we cut it, then we connect it to a Direct TV.  Then everyone would have Direct TV."  I was all for his idea, until this next comment "Dad, with your skills and my brains, we can't fail!"

I am not sure how to take that one, but you could hear the maniacal laugh track playing in his head. 

PS. He has created a kit for us to accomplish this mission, stay tune this could be good.

Jack Jems: 
 
I feel like I have been the ring with Mick Tyson this morning with Jack's quips. They are coming right and left in rapid succession. Lets start with the cat observations: "Mom, when we sprayed catnip on the scratching post (this was 3 months ago) did some get on me, because the cat won't leave me alone." and the next one, "All the uses for the cat, paper weight, hood ornament,hat, do...or stop, and a TV antenna."

AND drum roll please: ( Cece put your tea down, seriously put it down )

Jack was watching TV with Mom and Dad after the cat comments and a commercial came on for the movie "Fast and Furious 6", he tells us he would like to watch it because it is a racing movie. Mom tells him that yes its a racing movie but there is some stuff in it he probably should not see. Jack's response was quite to the point, " you mean like penises and tushies?", after we stopped laughing we said yes that it and we then turned off the TV.

Enjoy

A Beautiful but Strange Mind


I started this blog to share the musings of my eight, soon to be nine year old son's autistic mind.  My son is awesome and I love the way his mind works.  I have been sharing his humor with friends on Facebook, but his sister keeps suggesting that I create a page just for the posts.  I figured since it was his sister's idea to share in the first place why stop there. I looked at a Facebook page but all the names that would fit have been used. I do my best to relay the situation with his comments, sometimes there is no need but other times there is. 

Just in case anyone is wondering, I am NOT that funny so if it gets on this blog its out of my son's mouth, I promise. 

Enjoy
Dean (Jack's Dad)